ROSIE O'DONNELL
"President Bush almost killed me" [Greg Pollowitz]
Rosie O'Donnell takes "Bush Derangement Syndrome" to a new level of absurdity:
President Bush almost killed me. It's true, and I have the scars to prove it — multiple scars that are part of the public record — you saw them in magazines and on my show, and you can see them on my blog frequently — no twelve year wait required.
It was 2000, and the Republican National Convention was on television. The whole affair felt something like a home invasion, with a chronically smirking and arrogant George W. Bush as ringleader. Not wishing to be robbed of my optimism and hope at the time — or to tumble into depression and despair — I shut off the TV and decided to go fishing.
I needed gear, so I went to the store and bought a few things, including a knife, which I used to cut the price tags off of the fishing poles.
Now, I could have stabbed myself 100 times in the hand and not managed to do the damage I did with that one poke to the inside of my middle finger. I went all out, though, and got everything — skin, ligaments, tendons, nerves. Maximum impact, including a particularly nasty staph infection that almost left me dead.
Fishing knives don't kill. Republicans do.
02/05 11:56 AM
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